New Year’s Resolutions From 2020 That Aged So Poorly

In December of 2019, I was so hopeful for the new year. Having never followed through with any of my past resolutions, I thought this time I would finally turn my life around. I had “2020 vision”, I bought the big 2020 sunglasses and everything…and then the pandemic hit. So without further ado, here are my resolutions for 2020 that could not have aged more poorly.

Travel more

Limit screen time

Host an orgy

Say ‘yes’ to everything!

Get out more

Beat the world record for longest time gone without washing hands

Go to the movies more often

Overcome crippling germophobia

Disable webcam

Stop hoarding toilet paper!!!

Stand up to boss. What’s he gonna do, lay you off?

Buy more eveningwear

Join a choir!

Research anti-vaxxers’ arguments. There could be something to them!

Go to a new restaurant every week

Use more public transportation

Sell that treadmill, join a gym!

Divest in Zoom, Invest in United Airlines

Convert home office into guest bedroom

Wear more lipstick!

Be spontaneous! Open-mouth kiss a stranger on the subway

Originally published at https://www.weeklyhumorist.com on December 31, 2020.