How To Call Facilities Guy To Fix Your Heater Without Reinforcing The Patriarchy

Maddy Schmidt
2 min readDec 9, 2019

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So your heater is broken, but you’d rather have your nose turn black from frostbite than admit that a man can fix something you can’t. We get it! Here are some tips on how to call a BU Facilities guy without reinforcing the patriarchy.

1. Diagnose The Problem

If you can’t fix it, you can at least look up “heater broken” to see what might be wrong. When he tries to mansplain to you what the actual problem is, argue with him using big words like “valve” and “coolant vapor.” This will let him know you’re actually an empowered lady who just forgot to bring her monkey wrench to school this year.

2. Pull a Twelfth Night

If you dress up like a man, then really the facilities man will think he is helping a fellow man. There’s no systemic inequality in a bro situation!

3. Do NOT refer to yourself as a damsel in distress

When he walks in the door, it can be tempting to say “Thank you for helping this little damsel in distress,” while sucking on a lollipop and twisting your hair. Don’t say this! This is a surefire way to reinforce the patriarchy.

We hope this helps! Stay warm, sister!

Originally published at https://thebunionpaper.com on December 9, 2019.

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Maddy Schmidt
Maddy Schmidt

Written by Maddy Schmidt

Maddy Schmidt is a comedy writer from tropical New Jersey. She has been blocked on Twitter by Drake Bell. You can block her too! @piece_ofschmidt

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