He talks about me in his sleep? Girl, I don’t even know him like that.


INT. GAY CLUB — NIGHT



We go at it for the next 48–72 hours. This is the longest any of my partners have ever lasted.

Photo: Maxar Technologies, photoshopped by author
Photo: Maxar Technologies, photoshopped by author
  1. Stranded


I’m disappointed at your lack of culinary imagination.


1. Yesterday — The Beatles




  1. Best Western, Boston, MA — 4 stars


Maddy Schmidt

Maddy Schmidt is a comedy writer from tropical New Jersey. She has been blocked on Twitter by Drake Bell. You can block her too! @piece_ofschmidt

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