PinnedMaddy SchmidtinThe Belladonna ComedyIt’s Me, Jolene, And I Don’t Want Your Mediocre BoyfriendHe talks about me in his sleep? Girl, I don’t even know him like that.Jan 14, 20213Jan 14, 20213
Maddy SchmidtIf You Give A Mouse Self-AwarenessBy Maddy Schmidt, Illustrated by Kyle PattersonApr 9, 2021Apr 9, 2021
Maddy SchmidtinThe Belladonna ComedyTop 10 Sex Dreams I’ve Had About The Cargo Ship Stuck In The Suez CanalWe go at it for the next 48–72 hours. This is the longest any of my partners have ever lasted.Mar 29, 20211Mar 29, 20211
Maddy SchmidtinThe Belladonna ComedyI’m The Chef Who Put The Shrimp Tails In The Cinnamon Toast Crunch, And You Just Don’t Get My…I’m disappointed at your lack of culinary imagination.Mar 24, 2021Mar 24, 2021
Maddy Schmidt5 Songs On His Spotify Playlist To Read Too Much IntoTune in next week for instructions on how to book a therapy appointment.Mar 23, 2021Mar 23, 2021
Maddy SchmidtGlowing Hotel Reviews, From BedbugsTrump Tower was a home away from home! My bed was so comfortable that I actually gave birth to my 500 children right under the covers.Mar 16, 2021Mar 16, 2021
Maddy SchmidtWhy I Denounceth The Crusades Now Even Though I Took Part In Them With Gusto For The Past 200 YearsUpon reflection, it occurreth to me now that perhaps burning entire villages is not what Christ wouldst have wanted.Jan 16, 2021Jan 16, 2021
Maddy SchmidtEasier Games to Play on Drugs After Watching “The Queen’s Gambit”Chess may be cool now, but it’s still super hard. Here’s a handy list of easier games you can play while you’re high out of your mind.Jan 13, 2021Jan 13, 2021
Maddy SchmidtNew Year’s Resolutions From 2020 That Aged So PoorlyA list of my resolutions from New Year’s 2020 that could not have aged more poorly.Dec 31, 2020Dec 31, 2020
Maddy SchmidtInstagram Introduces ‘Instagram Wrapped’; Top 5 People You Stalked This Year3. THE GIRL YOU THINK YOUR EX MIGHT BE TALKING TO EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROOFDec 2, 2020Dec 2, 2020
